Kings of Black Velvet
By Jim Hoehn
On a country corner, Gravel parking lot
Sits the old Ford Econoline van that’s all but shot
From the guts of the rusted out van,
Springs a spiritual roadside stand
Where the saviors of soul and rock and roll
Exchange daily thoughts
They spend all day nonchalantly leaning on the fender
The pictures of cool as the bait of a roadside vendor
But to pass the time away, they talk with each other all day
And wonder about the irony that brought them together forever
I’m talkin’ ‘bout the kings of black velvet,
Jesus Christ and Elvis
The religion of contradiction side by side
Some would whisper, it’s kinda scandalous,
Shout, it’s downright blasphemous!
But you can take ‘em both home for $39.95!
Jesus says every morning, when I see your pompadour hair
It reminds me of something that drives me to total despair
I’m talking ‘bout the TV preachers by the dozen,
Who claim to be the second comin’
We drove the money changers from the temple and put ‘em on the air
Elvis says, my man I know exactly how you feel,
There’s no part of my act, my impersonators didn’t steal
You can’t pray in a public school
But there’s no law against singing don’t be cruel
When it comes to the message, I got the better end of the deal.
Those philosophical kings of black velvet,
Jesus Christ and Elvis
The religion of contradiction side by side
Some would whisper, it’s kinda scandalous
Shout, it’s downright blasphemous
But you can take ‘em both home for $39.95!
Well they bet on every car and who was gonna buy what,
They go double or nothing on the totals from a tourist bus
But they could never figure out if someone stone-cold-sober
Would spend their money on the dogs playing poker,
Instead of a couple of good looking velvet hunks like us
Well they talked to Conal Parker and Judice and friends who failed them
Elvis joked about the farmer’s daughter and the traveling salesmen
About Memphis mafia and movie chicks
How Jesus says but Elvis lives
And if the pearly gates are bigger than the ones at Graceland
those conversational kings of black velvet,
Jesus Christ and Elvis
The religion of contradiction side by side
Some would whisper, it’s kinda scandalous,
Shout, it’s downright blasphemous!
But you can take ‘em both home for $39.95!
Well they talked about the tabloid press
And the first floor scandal
Jesus says I put on some tunes when it’s too much to handle
And Elvis my friend don’t take this wrong
But I always prefer those surfin’ Beach Boys songs
But what do you expect from a guy always wearin’ sandals
But there’s one part of your act that I found particularly thrilling
It was the closing line from the show at the Vegas Hilton
Cause when they rolled that stone away,
It would’ve been cool to have a big voice says,
Ladies and gentlemen, Jesus has left the building!
Those resurrected kings of black velvet,
Jesus Christ and Elvis
The religion of contradiction side by side
Some would whisper, it’s kinda scandalous,
Shout, it’s downright blasphemous!
But you can take ‘em both home for $39.95!
Spend eternity on the walls of the double wide
Hey! hey, hey, hey! hey, heyyy!
By Jim Hoehn
On a country corner, Gravel parking lot
Sits the old Ford Econoline van that’s all but shot
From the guts of the rusted out van,
Springs a spiritual roadside stand
Where the saviors of soul and rock and roll
Exchange daily thoughts
They spend all day nonchalantly leaning on the fender
The pictures of cool as the bait of a roadside vendor
But to pass the time away, they talk with each other all day
And wonder about the irony that brought them together forever
I’m talkin’ ‘bout the kings of black velvet,
Jesus Christ and Elvis
The religion of contradiction side by side
Some would whisper, it’s kinda scandalous,
Shout, it’s downright blasphemous!
But you can take ‘em both home for $39.95!
Jesus says every morning, when I see your pompadour hair
It reminds me of something that drives me to total despair
I’m talking ‘bout the TV preachers by the dozen,
Who claim to be the second comin’
We drove the money changers from the temple and put ‘em on the air
Elvis says, my man I know exactly how you feel,
There’s no part of my act, my impersonators didn’t steal
You can’t pray in a public school
But there’s no law against singing don’t be cruel
When it comes to the message, I got the better end of the deal.
Those philosophical kings of black velvet,
Jesus Christ and Elvis
The religion of contradiction side by side
Some would whisper, it’s kinda scandalous
Shout, it’s downright blasphemous
But you can take ‘em both home for $39.95!
Well they bet on every car and who was gonna buy what,
They go double or nothing on the totals from a tourist bus
But they could never figure out if someone stone-cold-sober
Would spend their money on the dogs playing poker,
Instead of a couple of good looking velvet hunks like us
Well they talked to Conal Parker and Judice and friends who failed them
Elvis joked about the farmer’s daughter and the traveling salesmen
About Memphis mafia and movie chicks
How Jesus says but Elvis lives
And if the pearly gates are bigger than the ones at Graceland
those conversational kings of black velvet,
Jesus Christ and Elvis
The religion of contradiction side by side
Some would whisper, it’s kinda scandalous,
Shout, it’s downright blasphemous!
But you can take ‘em both home for $39.95!
Well they talked about the tabloid press
And the first floor scandal
Jesus says I put on some tunes when it’s too much to handle
And Elvis my friend don’t take this wrong
But I always prefer those surfin’ Beach Boys songs
But what do you expect from a guy always wearin’ sandals
But there’s one part of your act that I found particularly thrilling
It was the closing line from the show at the Vegas Hilton
Cause when they rolled that stone away,
It would’ve been cool to have a big voice says,
Ladies and gentlemen, Jesus has left the building!
Those resurrected kings of black velvet,
Jesus Christ and Elvis
The religion of contradiction side by side
Some would whisper, it’s kinda scandalous,
Shout, it’s downright blasphemous!
But you can take ‘em both home for $39.95!
Spend eternity on the walls of the double wide
Hey! hey, hey, hey! hey, heyyy!
I know this is all correct*
*no quite. there are 2 spots i couldn't get so i guessed. i'll fix it later.
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